I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
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He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
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Rumble strips road head = magical
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize