It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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