drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
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I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
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She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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