i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I can't turn off my feet"
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
