like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
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Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
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But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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