Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
