At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize