whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
