i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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