sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
