all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
