i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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