Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize