Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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