Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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