just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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