I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
