Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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