So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
