Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
