News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
