Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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