So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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