Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
