I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
