im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
