I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
