why im i the only drunk person in the library?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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