She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
