Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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