so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
