She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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