Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
