now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
