I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
