he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
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He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
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They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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