____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.