how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
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Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
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This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.