i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
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I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
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I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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