I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
