Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
