Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
