Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
