I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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