doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
