my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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