apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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