You're completely useless in the revolution.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
