life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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