Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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