so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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