Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize