I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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