i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
