you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I FOUND THE LEGS
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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