I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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