come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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