He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
