dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
