Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
