We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
