I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I think I just sharted jello shots
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
