I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
So. Much. Porn.
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