No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
