apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
