Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
