smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
